It’s been a while since I’ve written in my blog and I thought since it’s my birthday, what better time than now. I’ve learned so much about myself this year that I really wanted to share my heart because I am hoping that some of you reading this can relate and will let me know I am not alone! I’ve learned so much about who I am as a mother, as a wife, and as a friend. This year has definitely brought so many challenges and learning experiences. I really feel like I’ve become bolder in all areas of my life. This year has been filled with many distractions that made me take a small pause, just to gather my thoughts and feelings.
MOTHERHOOD
I have been living in leggings with a messy bun and drinking cold coffee because I’ve been consumed with my kids trying to navigate this new normal. There has been plenty of tears and moments of frustrations where I felt like I was failing them as a mother and a teacher. I felt as if I was thrown into this “homeschool” world with no training. There were moments where I felt like I was not doing enough and other times where I told myself, “oh well, this is the best I can do.” Well, it has been 9 months now, and I finally feel like I am accepting what my reality is and looking at it with a more positive mind frame. I’ve learned that it’s okay for my weekly routine to change and to go with the flow when it comes to homework assignments. There have been days I’ve felt so much guilt for having a bad day because I know it’s not their fault. Although I feel like motherhood will always be evolving, I have come to look at the positive and that is …. spending time with my kids that I’ll never have again in the good times and bad times.
MARRIAGE
When I say my marriage has been tested this year, let me just say it’s a scary place to be in. I really felt like the enemy was trying to destroy our home and it slowly crept in. There were moments of disagreements about what was going on in the world. There were times we didn’t take the time to communicate how we felt and instead it was pushing us apart and causing division. I’ve learned that keeping in how you feel can create resentment inside your heart and it’s better, to be honest. I’ll admit, staying home with the kids and seeing Adam go to work every day was getting me a bit jealous. I wish I was the one leaving the house and even though his work comes with a lot of pressure and not to mention heavy commuting, that felt like such a treat for me. Whereas he felt like staying home would be such a treat for him. We have come to understand that God has placed us exactly where we need to be in this season for a reason. Adam and I have made a few changes in the way we communicate and know that we work better as a team when God is in the center of it all. Truth is marriage will always be a work in progress and when our goals are clear to each other, we can overcome any obstacle that we face.
FRIENDSHIP
It’s true what they say… “the older you get, the smaller your circle gets.” This year I’ve learned how important it is to treasure my friends because they really are a blessing in my life. I’ve learned that if some may have stopped talking to you it was probably because you were not useful to them and that’s okay. Sometimes people will drift apart because you’re no longer important to them or life just forces you to grow apart from each other. It’s not always a fun thing to experience but it happens. For me, I feel like I’ve learned that a genuine friendship will always make you feel comfortable and you’ll make each other a better person. This year I’ve reached out when I needed to get away and needed someone to talk to. It was meeting up for dinner, going on a hike, or even FaceTiming each other at night just to get in a few extra laughs. I realized that I wanted to be the kind of friend that reaches out instead of always waiting for others to reach out. We all go through our own ups and downs in life but chances are that if you’re going through a hard time, they won’t know unless you tell them and be honest.
Can I just say I’ve reached the point where I am forgetting my age and I have to take a moment to do the math in my head. Anyone else? I thank God He has kept me and my family healthy and safe especially with everything that has been happening this year. The more chaos that happens in this world, the more I am certain that my number one priority is to stay close to the word of God.
